Real

lukeleiahan:

I rewatched ANH, and now I have Leia feels. Also, I decided to experiment with writing stiles again.

It’s not real.

That’s all you can think when they lead
you away, Vader’s iron grip still on your shoulder. You hardly feel
it, all you feel is numbness. You can’t feel your legs moving,
either.

It’s not real.

Even though you felt it, somehow, even
though your whole soul contracted and screamed. Even though you could
swear you heard them scream.

It’s not real.

They throw you into your little cell,
dark and cold and hard, and you don’t get up again. Why would you?
There is nothing left. Nothing left that’s worth getting up for,
nothing left that matters anymore.

It’s not real.

The tears won’t come. There’s only
numbness, as though you are floating somewhere, and you can’t reach
the safe ground anymore.

It’s not real.

Eventually, a boy comes to save you. He
seems so… alive, so full of energy, that you can’t help but be
pulled along. For the first time since… that, you feel
something again, anger, hatred, a desire to do your duty, and you
hold onto it, you refuse to let it go, because it’s all that’s left,
all that you have.

It’s not real.

Stupid boys, men, whatever. They have
no plan. You want to shake them, you want to scream at them, you want
to hug them, because they give you something. Because you
don’t feel numb anymore.

(You scream at them)

It’s not real.

The old man, the one your father called
your last hope, dies. You can’t feel anything. All you feel is anger,
and a hint of compassion, and you grab that, too, because it’s not
numbness.

It’s not real.

The boy… Luke, the one who saved you,
the one you saved, he is grieving for the old man. You sit down next
to him, give him a blanket. You can’t grieve yourself, but you can
help him.

It’s not real.

You win. Luke shoots down the death
star, and Han comes back, and you celebrate. You laugh, and you
shout, and you sing, and you feel alive, somehow, fire in your veins
and tears in your eyes.

It’s not real.

You wake up. Everything hurts, every
single muscle in your body feels torn and battered. You remember
everything with frightening clarity. Suddenly, you face is wet.

It’s real.