french recipes: if you’re not making this in paris then what’s the point. fuck you
italian recipes: use the left leg meat of a pig from one of three farms in this specific area of tuscany, or from this day my grandmother will begin manifesting physically in your house
american recipes: buy these three cans of stuff and put them in a pan congrats you cooked
chinese recipes, as handed down from mother to child: season it with a pinch of this and some of that. you want to know the exact amount? feel it in your heart. ask the stars. yell into the void.
English recipes: boil and salt it. Okay that’s it enjoy
Greek recipes: You followed all the right steps but this isn’t quite right. I don’t know what to tell you.
Australia recipes: chuck it on the barbie
Latinx recipes: you will never make it better than your abuela, face the facts
Filipino recipes: add rice and soy sauce and some more rice MORE RICE MORE RICE MORE
Serbian Recipes: everything is salad. Ajvar? Salad. A single whole hot pepper covered in oil? Salad. Cabbage? Salad. Kajmak? Salad.
Lebanese recipes: If you don’t have at least 3 family members cooking this dinner with you than you aren’t doing it right.
Indonesian recipes: have you added spices? Add some just in case. Eat with rice. It’s not a proper meal until there’s rice in it. You just had bread/burger/cake/pizza? Eat rice anyway or you’ll die of starvation
Bonus Javanese recipes: Have you added sugar? What do you mean it’s meant to be salty/sour/spicy/something else? ADD SUGAR.TO IT
Canadian recipes: Well part of the directions are in metric but you have imperial measuring cups. I hope you like math because we’re going to find out how many gallons in a litre and how many millimetres are in a cup.
Swedish recipes: Assemble all the beige items you have in your kitchen. Great. now add raw red onions, dill and salt and white pepper. if u prefer it blander, don’t do the last things. consider serving it with jam
Norwegian recipes: listen after three days skiing uphill you will eat anything so stop complaining.
“It’s a rainbow, it’s a roof, it’s a tree? This 144-year-old Wisteria located in Japan looks nothing like your ordinary tree. With branches protruding out half-a-mile long, standing beneath this tree makes you truly feel like you’ve slipped into another world. A world where an enchanted pink sky hangs like a canopy overhead.
The pink and purple blooms typical to the wisteria tree are spread wildly throughout, extending far and wide. The ginormous vines stretching out of the tree are held up by steel rods placed throughout. Otherwise, the weight of the branches would cause the tree to collapse in on itself–potentially trapping awed visitors inside!
In all seriousness, the steel rods make it possible to venture beneath this tree and see how stunning it looks from the underside. From inside, the light pours in through the brightly colored vines, reflecting off of the flowers in unimaginable ways.
There are wisteria trees in many parts of the world, but one of the most well-known gorgeous giants is located at Ashikaga Flower Park. After looking at these photos I’m ready to book the next flight to Japan!
Planted around the year 1870, this tree has since brought so much delight. The wisteria is at its peak beauty between mid-April and mid-May.
Tourists and locals come to visit this tree, the sights that it offers never get old. Not only is the tree fun to gawk at from all angles, but the vines give off a lovely aroma, reminiscent of grapes.
I love this photo (above) because you can actually see the tree branch in all its curved glory. It’s not really a tree branch but rather a tangle of thick vines. Either way, the trunk’s shape makes this tree all the more mystical in my eyes.
You can see the rods supporting the heavy vines of the wisteria, wisteria that do not have a surface to grow up, or support them, will fall and start to grow into a large heap.
Depending on what time of day you visit, the lighting changes offering a world of diversity. Beware, even though this tree appears beautiful the seeds that it sheds are actually poisonous.
A part of the pea family, the light brown to pale green seeds shed by the wisteria are rather large. Not only are they poisonous, but they are also explosive. When left out unattended, they are known to explode, popping open and splitting apart with a loud sound.
Wisterias look like they have regular tree branches, but they are actually vines. These vines can climb up any nearby support systems, and can grow as tall as 20 meters.
Within only a few years a wisteria can gain a substantial amount of weight. Still, the wisteria will take its time developing to the point where it produces blooms, some take several years. Don’t give up on your wisteria tree just yet, others take as long as 6-10 years to bloom. According to these images, it’s well worth the wait.
Japan’s large wisteria is not the only one, nor is it the largest. There is a wisteria located in Sierra Madre, California that stretches an entire mile long and weighs over 250 tons. This wisteria was planted back in 1894.
If you don’t live close to any huge wisteria trees, at least you can plant and grow your own wisteria. Within one year they can grow 10 feet!
Wisterias aren’t all that hard to look after either, according to the US Plant Hardiness scale they are one tough hunk of bark! Even capable of growing in soil that is of poor quality.
Feeling obsessed with these photos? Wisteria has a way of luring people in, hence the name. Wisteria symbolizes “passionate love” or “obsession” in the Victorian language of flowers.“
This is where I want to get married. Nature is fucking amazing
You are an anonymous professional assassin with a perfect reputation. You lead an ordinary life outside of your work. You’ve just been hired to kill yourself.
My first thought is that the middle man I use–calls himself ‘Leader’, real name Brett Thompson, 46, balding, lives in PA–has uncovered my identity. Why else would I be staring down at a picture of my own face? I think it’s a warning, that he knows about the Sanchez job, and I nearly reach for my go bag.
Then I see the client’s name.
Vi Larson, the file tells me, male, 32, computer analyst.
I close the manila folder, tossing it away from me. The whiskey sour’s gone warm in my hand, but I drink it down anyway, eyes distant. I don’t need to read any more of the file. I can fill in the gaps well enough.
Funnily enough, this betrayal is just as sharp and unpleasant as the first one, the one that got me into this business in the first place.
“You at least owe me a crime of passion, you bastard,” I mutter into my drink. I close my eyes and sigh, willing away the stinging in my heart. I knew that my relationship was in trouble, but this is just cold.
In a way, I can’t believe it. Is a divorce really that hard? But, no, I know Vi. He’s methodical, analytical, and competent. If anything, hiring an assassin with a reputation like mine is right in line with his personality. Nothing but the best, even in the murder game.
I should be flattered, really. My rates aren’t cheap. Whatever I did to make him send this in–and he did, there’s his social security, his fingerprint, everything–it must have been killer.
I set my glass down on the counter and tuck the folder under my arm. I need to think and I do my best thinking in the tub. Vi won’t be back from his “business” trip for another three days, during which I’m supposed to kill myself.
As I head up the stairs, I can’t help but laugh. Finally, after three years of marriage, my husband does something interesting. And it breaks my fucking heart.
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He wants me to make it painless but horrific. There’s a script in the document, something that’s more common than people think, and it’s hard to read it, even surrounded by bubbles and soothing music.
“Your husband sent me. Said he needed to shed some dead weight.” I snort at the pun and close my eyes, resting the file against my face so it doesn’t get wet. Unfortunately, the tears do that anyway.
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