Silmarillion Onion Headlines: Part Four, Sindar

Thingol: Supportive Parents Encourage Child’s Interests In Anything Within 15-Minute Drive
Luthien: Fugitive Movie Heroine Cuts Own Hair Perfectly
Dior and Nimloth: Friend’s Threats To Come Visit Becoming Disturbingly More Genuine
Elured and Elurin: Christmas Letter Ominously Makes No Mention Of The Twins
Celeborn: Girlfriend, Girlfriend’s Brother Look Way Too Much Alike
Daeron: Unattractive Man Just Like A Brother To Area Woman
Eöl: Dating Profile Flatly States Man Looking For Someone He Can Control
Mablung: Babysitter Swaps Dead Child With Similar Child Before Parents Get Home
Beleg: Tragic Accident Kills Aspiring Living Person
Nellas: Childhood Friend Stops Writing After Two E-mails
Saeros: Report: Family Deeply Embarrassed by Way Son Died