Also, I just like imagining graduate student Lyra being assigned to answer all the inquiry transmissions received by the Corps. Most of them are boring—scientists across the galaxy double-checking their facts, senators or contractors requesting results of geological surveys, the occasional oddball request for treasure maps, or a list of which mineraloids are poisonous if ingested.
But one day, she gets an inquiry from a man on Onderon. And though he’s circumspect about it, it’s very clear to her that he’s talking about making chemical weapons. (The war against the Separatists has been raging for some time now. She’s only surprised it’s taken someone this long to ask.)
She opens a new transmission, and keys out:
Dear Master Gerrera,
Thank you for your inquiry to the Jedi Agricultural Corps, Engineering Division. The official uses of the cyanogen silicate compound known as “Sith’s breath” are limited to the construction of Celegian life support chambers, due to the compound’s extreme toxicity to most carbon-based sentient life. Additionally, the components are difficult to procure, and their synthesization without proper licensure under Galactic Republican Statute 1184.2-4 Aleph constitutes fraudulent business practices and illegal production of a controlled chemical compound.
The Jedi Order must warn you that should you pursue this course of action, it will have no choice but to enforce the law to the fullest extent of its authority.
On an unrelated note, baradium bisulfate is an accessible liquid compound, used frequently in mining. Unlike cyanogen silicate, it does not sublimate at 20°C, but it is highly unstable and a very small amount can do a surprising amount of damage. Several years ago, a careless engineering trainee did not calibrate a suspension field carefully, and leveled a small mountain.
Please do not hesitate to reach out if you have further questions.
May the Force be with you, Lyra Inair, Geological Engineer, Jedi AgriCorps
She expects that to be the last of it, and so she’s extremely surprised when he replies directly. Less surprised when she realizes he’s asking how one goes about constructing a suspension field. Possibly one that would destabilize with some sort of trigger or timer or maybe on impact…?
And they keep—writing one another. Even after she’s moved off the transmissions desk, to actual geological work. Rocks and weapon mechanics turn to small talk, turn to little details of their lives, turn to the Force and the Republic. He talks about his sister, about the warfront; she complains about the internal politics of the Corps and Galen (though he’s not Galen, yet, he’s just the handsome Republican engineer with cheekbones like sheered silicate). They argue theology, and justice, and violence. She cries for him, when his sister dies. They—are friends.
Saw is the only one she tells, when she decides to turn her back on the Order. She is in love and Galen has friends in Coruscant, a prestigious job with an engineering guild—
And I like pointing out that he’s a REALLY reckless fighter. Maybe it was just this moment because he was falling all to pieces, but I think it’s more than likely a common thing with him considering his tantrums. It’s ridiculous to turn your back on an opponent in a sword fight, yet even wounded he’s doing it here. And on a side note even wounded he decides to use a double hand strike with the momentum of the spin for extra power. In other words, that move is going to HURT. He’s already been gut shot and is visibly bleeding everywhere and he decides to use moves that are really going to linger.
I’m going to back up this already excellent post with some lore for anyone who might be interested.
Yes, lightsaber blades are weightless, but resistant to changes in motion, so the 90-degree angle of Ren’s two beams actively make them work against each other, as opposed to the only other known crossguard user Roblio Darte, whose secondary blade emitter was 45 degrees from the first, enabling him to wield it perfectly.
Double-handed strikes are the most common movement among lightsaber users because of the inertia needed to counteract the blade’s initial repelling force. Ren uses a two-handed slash despite being heavily wounded because that will make the blade cut faster and easier than a one-handed grip. That’s why Jar’Kai users (dual-wielders) have to rely on speed and agility to compensate for the lack of power in their strikes.
The combat form that Ren is using here could be Ataru, which is noted for its acrobatic twirls, but it could also be Djem So, due to the switch in grips while spinning and the finishing uppercut slash (theoretically, this move conceals your strikes and does not leave you open to attack, even though your back is turned for a moment). I favor the Djem So headcanon, because this was Anakin Skywalker’s preferred form (and we all know how much Ren idolizes his grandpa).
Alternatively, this scene (and the whole fight in general) could also reinforce my personal headcanon that Ren is a Niman user. He uses Niman stance on Takodana, and it is entirely feasible that he could be adopting it in this scene too, as Niman is a combination of the other forms, and it is also perceived by a lot of lightsaber users to be very undisciplined, since it relies heavily on improvisation. Count Dooku once criticized a Niman adherent for his sloppy form and nonexistent footwork. I believe this ties in very well with how reckless Ren is in combat.
These lightsaber fights were EXTREMELY well choreographed, and well shot. A few other things I geeked out about:
* Lightsabers aren’t actually frozen beams of light–they’re LOOPS of plasma, that come out of the handle, turn around, and flow back into the handle. They resist motion because they’re actually already IN motion. It’s less like hitting someone with a sword, and more like hitting them with a chainsaw. This explains a lot of things that happen in the duels–any time a lightsaber hits the ground or an obstacle, it skips and kicks away from the absorbed momentum.
* Because lightsabers bend in a loop, they actually have an “edge” and a “flat,” even though it’s not clearly visible–your cutting technique actually matters, A clean cut will pass right through a human body, but a sloppy cut (like the wild swings that Kylo, Finn and Rey are throwing around) is going to contact human flesh and then actually kick away. This is why when Kylo cuts Finn’s back, he leaves a long gouge rather than just cleaving him in half–it’s a sloppy cut, and he has poor control.
* This also explains why the shape of the side emitters on Kylo Ren’s lightsaber aren’t a problem–when two lightsabers connect, they lock together and stick (imagine two chainsaws locked together!). This is why Ren doesn’t have to worry about another blade sliding down his and severing the plasma vent on the side. You can see this in the way Ren manipulates Rey’s sword when they’re in the bind in the end of their duel–he knows that if he’s physically stronger he can actually yank Rey’s saber around in her hand.
* You can tell here that while all of the combatants have at least some close quarters combat training, none of them REALLY know how to use a lightsaber. You can see this especially in when Rey first attacks Kylo Ren–note that she keeps trying to stab him. It’s very rare that we see other lightsaber users attempt a stab in the heat of combat–nearly every other blow attempted is a wide, sweeping slice. Stabbing strokes like that are *quarterstaff* techniques–designed to take advantage of the extra range that comes from having an extra 2 feet of stick to put between you and your opponent. It’s obvious when she attempts these attacks that she overbalances herself (because the lightsaber is shorter than the quarterstaff she’s used to) and that Ren has never been attacked by a lightsaber this way before.
* Also, look at how janky Ren’s lightsaber blade is! The thing is so obviously a Pinto compared to the Ferrari that is Anakin’s old lightsaber, and it’s all beautifully rendered without a word just in the design of the prop and the effects.
I loved pretty much everything about these movies, but the lightsaber choreography may be my favorite part.
you mean lightsabers have been LIGHT CHAINSAWS THIS WHOLE TIME AND NO ONE TOLD ME
Best part: “the thing is so obviously a Pinto compared to the Ferrari that is Anakin’s old lightsaber”
Kylo built the Millennium Falcon of lightsabers. Of course he did.
This was meant to be for a book that was put together by about a hundred women professionals, all illustrating females in Fantasy. The project got too big and unmanageable, and officially ended this month. The book won’t happen, unfortunately, but fortunately, I can now show this!
Look I would pay real currency to watch a series of Anakin and Obi-Wan’s couples counseling. The angst and the passive-aggressiveness and the “I’m fine it’s fine everything’s fine” “NO IT’S NOT OBI-WAN NOTHING IS FINE”. Or individual Jedi counseling.
Better: I want to watch the documentary/mockumentary made by a GFFA psychologist who embeds themselves with the Jedi Order to better understand how they can all be so chill and collected – What’s their secret? How can we all learn, from their example, to embrace serenity in our own lives? – who eventually, as the documentary wears on, comes to realize that THE JEDI ORDER IS COMPRISED ENTIRELY OF EMOTIONAL TRAINWRECKS.
I am living for this now. As @
devilangel657 said, the idea of a psychologist embedding themselves in the Jedi Order and having to listen to the stories of the stupidity the Jedi have to deal with every goddamned day in their roles as peacekeepers and later freeing worlds, would be amazing.
They’re so serene and calm and put together when you first meet them! Then, like, a month later, “YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE THE SHIT I HAD TO DEAL WITH ON BRENTAL. LET’S JUST SAY IF I HAVE TO SEE ANOTHER FUCKING PIRATE I AM GOING TO SHOVE A LIGHTSABER UP THEIR ASS BEFORE THEY HAVE A CHANCE TO SAY A GODDAMNED WORD.” blares through the Force, even when all the Jedi says is, “It was a difficult mission, but I believe it has been resolved to the best of my abilities.”
Obi-Wan and Anakin’s couple’s therapy is a disaster. Sure, Anakin wants to talk about things! Until the psychologist turns to him and tries to make him talk about what’s eating him and then NOTHING IS WRONG, EVERYTHING’S FINE, he says angrily, crossing his arms and glaring.
Obi-Wan looks at the psychologist, not a single hint of self-awareness on his face, like, See what I have to deal with?
YES. Little by little, all these things come out and eventually it becomes clear that A) the Jedi have to put up with a TON of the universe’s bullshit, B) there are a LOT of secret affairs going on, both within and outside of the Order, and C) there is a WHOLE LOT of trauma being actively repressed.
I feel like Mace Windu would be amazing in this documentary series. The interviewer would be like “It sounds like you have a very difficult role, being responsible for so much in the Order. Would you agree?” and he just keeps staring into space like this:
…before finally taking a deep breath and being like, “It is a noble calling, and one I am honored to take on.”
Yoda cancels on his interview like 45 times, or pretends to be napping or dead when the guy shows up, because He Really Doesn’t Wanna Talk About This Stuff Everyone Knows The Order Is Just Fine Look How Well-Adjusted We All Are.
Quinlan Vos does his interview from a bar, during which he becomes increasingly inebriated. His interview turns into him just bragging about various conquests or awesome parties he’s been to on undercover missions. Viewers love him.
Obi-Wan explains to the horrified interviewer that he really totally wasn’t traumatized by being sent away to be a space farmer when he was 12, or the fact that he once got a rock for his birthday, or that his Space Dad was murdered in front of him. And that things between him and Anakin are FINE.
The two of them don’t realize they’re still mic’d up when they try to “discuss” things in the hallway in between filming after a particularly pointed on-screen argument. The resulting audio includes lecturing (Obi-Wan), dramatic yelling (Anakin), retreading of very old arguments (both), and eventually some mild dirty talk, which they vehemently deny later even though they both have mussed up hair when they return.
Ahsoka’s interview is hilarious, since it is mostly just her telling stories about Anakin or Obi-Wan embarrassing themselves.She manages to come off as one of the most competent people in the entire show despite the fact that she’s like 15. She instantly becomes a favorite of viewer commentators on the Holonet.
Some of the Clones get interviewed about what it’s like to work with the Jedi. This turns into all of them sharing “most insane thing my Jedi has done” stories, and it results in 157 hours of footage. They end up with their own series.
Chancellor Palpatine also does an extended interview as one of the Jedi’s closest colleagues, in which he repeatedly has to take a break from filming because he keeps breaking out into inappropriate giggles as he discusses how insightful the Order is, and what great partners they’ve been for his administration in helping it to achieve its goals.
I am crying at that screencap of Mace, that’s exactly the face he’d make.
“The Jedi aren’t perfect, we have our difficulties, just as anyone else in the galaxy does,” they all say. “But we deal with them internally to the best of our abilities. We’ve agreed to this documentary as a gesture of good will, we hope to reach out to our fellow Republic citizens and show that we are as human as any of you.”
What they don’t say is FUCK OFF WE DEAL WITH OUR PROBLEMS OURSELVES, but you kind of get that impression anyway. And the first half of the documentary is this build-up towards the idea that the Jedi are totally fucked up, they’re all a bunch of lunatics who refuse to admit they actually have problems.
But then the second half of the documentary has, like, 300 hours of footage of the Jedi dealing with two warring clans on some Mid-Rim world, each willing to nuke themselves into orbit just to spite the other side, and the Jedi have to deal with literal tantrums from political leaders at least once a month and they have to see politicians living these ridiculous lives of luxury, they have space caviar flown in specially hand delivered while ¾ths of their world are literally starving in poverty, and still have to smile and make nice with said politician because otherwise they won’t be able to get this trade agreement signed that will help the rest of the world, and all the while they’re not allowed to scream obscenities or anything. And you start to realize, oh, shit, I’d have gone off the deep end, too, if I had to deal with that every day of my life.
The documentary works in a roundabout way, endearing people to them–it shows the Jedi being human, that one time they caught Luminara Unduli making the most amazing bitch face, just for a moment, before she managed to smooth it back over. They caught Obi-Wan Kenobi actually swearing one time! They have at least an hour’s worth of outtakes of Anakin Skywalker flying around on his droid and crashing face-first into a wall or swanning off the top of the Temple and screaming when he misses the speeder Master Kenobi is driving to try to snag him the first time!
“It was a bit of a close call,” Anakin Skywalker says with a grin, “But I had it totally under control.” (Smash cut to Anakin screaming and flailing as story after story of the Temple blurs by him as he falls while Obi-Wan zips the speeder around for a second try.)
There’s a collage of the Greatest Faces Ahsoka Tano Makes When Dealing With Republic Officials. Almost unanimously, the face she makes when Wilhuff Tarkin turns away from her are voted as #1.
There’s also entire sites dedicated to gossiping about the love lives of the Jedi. The HoloNet EXPLODES when Obi-Wan and Anakin are caught on mic making suggestive comments after their fight, because everyone thought FOR SURE Skywalker was involved with Senator Amidala, have you SEEN the way he makes cow eyes at her? There are threads and threads of HA AH VINDICATION!!! from Obikin shippers and NO WAY THIS IS JUST PART OF A THREESOME shippers.
(Everyone, please forgive me this enormous reblog. I think you all understand I have no choice.)
So, basically this is what’s going to foil Palpatine’s plans, isn’t it? He is kicking himself, because he actually urged the Jedi to do the documentary series in the first place, thinking that they’d come off as totally dogmatic, dispassionate weirdos and the Republic would be turned off, making it easier for him to push his “The Jedi Are Evil” spiel later.
Instead, as the series wears on, everyone finds them oddly charming, and is overwhelmed by how hard they work and the good they do. There’s all kinds of forums set up for the inevitable Jedi Order Fandom as people nitpick every detail the show reveals. The gossip is out of control. Ahsoka can’t go anywhere without an interviewer asking her about the state of her “dads”’ relationship. Padme is hounded by the tabloids every time someone thinks they saw her out with Anakin somewhere (and OMG IS THAT A BABY BUMP??! WHAT IS OBI-WAN GONNA THINK?! Wait, is OBI-WAN the father???!). Hondo Ohnaka, of course, uses this as a chance to make some money, and is constantly trying to sell outlandish stories about his “friends” the Jedi to the tabloids.
A couple of systems start petty disputes with each other just to get a Jedi and some clones to visit, and they start placing requests (”Can you guys send Luminara? We LOVE her, OMG. Also is Fives available?”) Even Yoda, who was hesitant to even participate, becomes somewhat beloved in his own right as the series’ grumpy, long-suffering grandpa, once viewers see how much insanity the poor guy’s been living with for hundreds of years.
omfg yes I need this so BAD.
i feel like the turning point in the documentary would be ‘meeting the initiates’ so to speak
like, all these little tiny cute pronto-jedi, being trained specifically for the war-zone. maybe 5, or 9 or 13 years old and already fluent in the clone’s hand signals (and most are learning mando on the side)- this is before the documentary maker get it. this is still an exposé, not a love letter
(the voice-over script, pre-written, says something like this: look at these children look how these children are being raised for war.)
well, the kids are adorable and tiny and sometimes ferocious. all expected that. what they didn’t expect are the visitors
Skywalker suddenly sits up from under a pile of blankets and 8 yr olds because that is not how that happens initiates, who told you that story and the resulting wrestling match takes up the rest of the hour; Kenobi spends his two hours of leave chasing toddlers and changing diapers; Ashoka talks the camera men into babysitting when she wants an hour with her friend i haven’t seen her in months, please?; a constant rotation of clones with the children in the mess, in the dorms, in the gardens and meditation rooms, healing wards with missing limbs and they all want to talk about their jedi- my jedi saved this planet, they stopped this battle, they negotiated terms and they got me home
my jedi, they saved my life; don’t you want to know how?
and well, the documentary makers are filming the initiates, and (between a dozen classes and katas and meditation and play-fights and gardening) the initiates sit down and listen
of course, that could still be spun. the youngest jedi, brainwashed and trained for battle, clones filling their heads with glory and honor but-
the oldest initiates, 14 years old, spend long days talking to their docent, the clones, the visiting jedi and even documentary staff and begin choose. Jora leaves for agri-corps because the lower levels need supplies and someone to build gardens. Noma leaves the Jedi for the Senate diplomatic corps, because her talents lie in diplomacy but not weaponry. the councilors assure her that she’ll be welcome her back, when the war is over, if she wants to return. Ana’kora decides it’s their duty ( i don’t have to, they say, fur bristling, Master Bonara tells us all Paths serve in the Force. but im the best in my ‘saber class and the clones need jedi too).
Russian photographer Fox Grom on his recent walk with his dogs has captured a beautiful series of photos. He discovered a frozen lake covered with rainwater that created the illusion of the dogs walking on water. The end results are stunning, the way the water blends with the sky is unlike anything I’ve ever seen.
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