ialreadyreadthatfanfic:

tmwrighting:

mirandatam:

ialreadyreadthatfanfic:

jerseydevious:

you know, if palpatine ever showed vader the death star schematics, wouldn’t vader – being a mechanical genius – have been able to pick out the flaw with the reactor shaft?

imagine palpatine launching an evil monologue while vader stares at this gigantic flaw, sweating

#you know i get the feeling vader really wanted the death star to get blown to smithereens (via @jerseydevious)

well, i got the same feeling. imagine vader just standing there, not listening anymore, only staring right at this super. obiovious. (to him) USELESS FUCKING FLAW and just not saying anything. maybe he should say something. sheev’s probably testing him or something. 

but as emperor’s monologue drags on, the fact that no one here, besides vader, is aware of the issue is becoming more evident. 

darth “everything proceeds as i’ve foreseen” sidious didn’t notice it. he’s staring right at the reactor shaft. he’s not seeing it. so vader keeps mum.

then rebels steal the plans and send a couple of x-wings against the friggin’ death star. as far as tarkin’s concerned, it’s like sending a couple of flies to stop an avalanche. and our man vader in that moment is like, “welp, i suddenly discovered my new calling as a flyswatter,” and gets the fuck out of that station

@fialleril

“Is… Is no one else seeing this? Someone on the design committee must have seen this. Tell me you’re all seeing this.”

“Seeing what, Lord Vader?”

“The huge obvious…”

You know what? Screw these guys. I told them this budget-killing monstrosity was a bad idea.

“Obvious lack of any place to get a decent coffee. This thing is the size of a small moon. Would it kill you to call Starbucks and tell them to open up a location in it? I hate Imperial-issue coffee.”

“We’ll get right on that, sir.”

@tmwrighting that’s beautiful.

But imagine this is a meeting with the engineers, including Galen Erso (Krennic was not invited, of course. Mostly because Vader doesn’t feel like dealing with his simpering).

Galen is already sweating bullets, trying not to think treasonous thoughts, lest Vader picks them up with his Sith Magic.And then the seven foot tall monstrosity asks:

“Is no one else seeing this?”

Erso is about to quietly hyperventilate. He couldn’t say anything even if he wanted to. Fortunately, the other engineers are innocently clueless.

“Seeing what, Lord Vader?”

“The huge obvious…”

There’s a suspenseful pause. Galen takes advantage of it to plan what’s he’s going to say to Lyra, if they meet beyond.

“…obvious lack of any place to get a decent coffee,” finishes Vader.

Erso is too shocked to do anything. Which is fortunate, otherwise he might’ve collapsed to the floor right then and there.

After the meeting, Galen stumbles into his room and retrieves a bottle of space vodka from its hiding place.

This is why I hate the Empire, he thinks hysterically, chugging the alcohol straight from the bottle.

He hopes Vader chokes on his coffee.