Feanor invents the ultimate frappuccino and is furious when the management try to make him give it up. He leaves to start his own franchise but the shady chain store down the street keeps trying to put him out of business by sabotaging him. ft:
Turning on the roaster while one of his sons was cleaning it
Locking his conniving brother and his management team in the walk-in freezer and going home for the night
Burning himself in the roaster
His son getting a hand trapped in the panini press
Did Morgoth even do anything to them beyond stealing his secret syrup?
Haha guys but what if the frappuccino was called the Grinding Ice
Samwise: means “Half-wise” or “Half-wit.” He is Stupid Gamgee
Faramir: Boromir’s name means “steadfast jewel”, but Faramir’s name just means “sufficient jewel.”
Sufficient.
Denethor took one look at baby Faramir and thought “eh I guess he exists or whatever” which is very in character
2. Characters who Have Way Too Many Names
Examples include Aragorn son of Arathorn son of Arador heir of Isildur Elendil’s son, descendant of Numenor, Thorongill, Eagle of the Star, Dúnadan, Strider, Wingfoot, Longshanks, Elessar, Edhelharn, Elfstone, Estel, Hope, The Chieftain of the Dúnedain, King of the West, High King of Gondor and Arnor, and Envinyatar the Renewer of the House of Telcontar
Wait I’m sorry did I say “examples” plural
Cuz that was all one guy
3. Characters whose parents must’ve been prophets
-Frodo means “wise by experience.” His story is about becoming wise by experience -A lady named Elwing turns into a bird (geddit)
4. Characters whose families were so lazy that they copy-pasted the same first half of a name onto multiple people
Théoden/Théodred
Aragorn/Arathorn/Arador Éomer/
Éomund/Éowyn/Éorl Elladan/Elrohir/Elrond/Elros/Elwing/Elenwë/Elendil/Eldarion (the laziest family)
5.Characters whose Names are Expertly Designed so that Newbies can’t Remember Who is Who and Feel Sad
All the people mentioned in number 4 Celeborn, Celegorm, Celebrimbor, Celebrian All the rhyming dwarf names in the Hobbit Sauron and Saruman Arwen and Éowyn
6. Name so nice, you say it twice
Legoas Greenleaf: Legolas’s first name means “Greenleaf” in elvish. Legolas is Greenleaf Greenleaf (thranduil really likes green leaves ok)
King Théoden’s name means King in Rohirric. Tolkien decided to name his name his king “King.” All hail King King
this is what the fanbase means when we say tolkien was a creative genius with language
a muggleborn student coming to hogwarts with a thermos flask and filling it with tea in the morning so it stays hot all day and their pureblood friends are like “whoa what spell did you use for that” and they’re like “?????? it’s just a thermos???” and all the pureblood students start pointing their wands at cups and saying “THERMOS”
THERMOS
plot twist: it works, mugs suddenly start keeping tea at the perfect temperature for the caster all day. students in muggle studies start experimenting with other muggle jargon and a new generation of magic spells are born, propelling the stagnated wizard community into the technological age
*points wand at book* KINDLE!!!! *book propels itself into fireplace and bursts into flames* I FUCKED UP I FUCKED UP
Gandalf’s encounter with the Balrog was terrifying for the rest of the Fellowship, but for Gandalf it was probably just super awkward. Like running into an ex-coworker that you hate. Legolas is all, “Ai! Ai! A balrog!” And Gandalf is like, “dammit, not fucking Greg again.”
Never forget how Beren made the stupidest hand-related pun in the history of the universe while
simultaneously inventing the excuse “the dog ate my homework”
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